← Pratham Purohit

Unemployement is a blessing for me.

A little radical claim ik, but works for me.

I think unemployment has taught me more about myself than having a fucking job ever did. I've been unemployed for a huge part of my life, even in college. I skipped a lot, stayed disconnected, and never really thought about the pattern.

When I was unemployed before, I couldn't fucking handle myself. I'd sink into my memories, overeat, stay depressed, and do anything to escape my own head. Without structure, I just didn't know what the fuck to do with myself.

Then I got a job for three or four months, and somehow life became better. I had somewhere to go, shit to do, people around me. I was moving. Now I'm unemployed again, but idk man, this time feels different.

A few days ago, I was on a simple evening jog. I stopped for a moment and saw the sunset, the trees, the sky, the way nature just paints everything without giving a fuck. And I just stood there thinking, damn, life is actually happening. I miss so much of it when I'm trapped inside my own head.

That's when I realised unemployment was never really the enemy. My inability to live with myself was. This time I have time, and instead of fucking destroying myself with it, I can actually use it. Study, build shit, read, walk, learn, make things, explore.

Even my body feels calmer. My digestion is better, my rosacea is settling down, and that constant nervous-system shock feels less intense. Even my reactions to shit are becoming more normal.

And yeah, I still want to make fucking money. I want to earn good, be materialistic as hell. I want a home made of marble, fucking amazing premium stuff everywhere, weird esoteric shit that I find beautiful, a fucking good bike, an expensive cruiser, a beautiful place to live. I want all of it. I'm not going to pretend I don't.

But maybe that's the point. I don't need a job just to feel alive anymore. I want to work because I want to build a fucking life I actually like living.